Love loves to escape

Amsterdam 2012 She is waiting. . .

To those who have been taken over by it, to those who are still waiting

The engine of the world

I had been listening to her in the same moment that my heart was broken. Her beautiful eyes were looking at me and, already knowing that we wouldn’t be together anymore, her beauty shone even more. She was my first love and in this moment I was learning my first lesson about what love is. It is difficult to define what love is, in spite of the fact that it is a universal feeling. Everyone perceives love as unique and exclusive to them even though it is something that happens to all of us eventually. It is not possible to understand the world in which we live solely through its history without understanding what love is. I have learnt a lot since that moment and I am still learning.

Love changes

There are many environments in which the feeling of love is shown. Love can be felt at work, towards the family, and towards humanity for example. How does love evolve in a couple? The most interesting theory that is currently the most-read one is described brilliantly in the novel of Francesc Miralles and Alex Rovira, The last Response. In this novel the authors describe three different conditions of love, where each one is the result of an evolution of the previous ones.  

Words are a limitation in expressing our ideas. Love is too a complex concept to be defined only by one word. If we want to be able to understand it better, we can learn from the classics. Love has several definitions in classic Greek, coinciding with the different stages of it.

The first one is “Philia” (φιλία philía), which means “friendship” in modern Greek, a dispassionate virtuous love, which was a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity.

Secondly, you can find “Eros” (ἔρως érōs) which is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The modern Greek word "erotas" means, "(romantic) love". However, “Eros” does not have to be sexual in nature. “Eros” can be interpreted as a love for someone who you love more than the “philia” love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition. Although “Eros” is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself.

Finally, “Agapē” (ἀγάπη agápē) means, "love" in modern day Greek, such as in the term “agapo” (Σ'αγαπώ), which means, “I love you". This word represents unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. Although the word does not have a specific religious connotation, the word has been used by a variety of contemporary and ancient sources, including Biblical authors and Christian authors. From this point of view “Agapē” is the feeling that arises when the person who we love is more important for us than us ourselves and we are ready to drop everything, not in order to possess that person, but rather for his or her happiness at all costs to ourselves.

How love is possible

Though it is true that love is a universal feeling, not all people experience it the same way. Love is a feeling that is alive which needs to grow. When we are not capable of growing with it, love simply escapes and disappears. Maybe the only way to keep love alive is by understanding and experiencing the different kinds of love. Sometimes love appears as a woman escaping on a bicycle, so close, so far away. Nowadays love is needed more than ever not only filia and eros but agape too. When love disappears it is time to learn and start again. Never mind, I'll find it eventually, he thought.